As the title of the post suggests, I’ve totally fallen off the wagon. I even went so far as to cancel my weight watchers subscription because I wasn’t bothering to keep track of anything.

I cancelled the subscription yesterday and I’m already feeling guilty about it.

This morning I stepped on the scale, realized ive gained 5 pounds, and then went to McDonald’s.
As if a Big Mac was really helping my problem.

I did go for a bike ride for about an hour or so this afternoon, but I should have done more. Why is it that having nothing to do makes me that much lazier? Seriously I have no excuses not to work out for hours every single day and I just can’t make myself do it.

I did talk to my friend who is an incredible personal trainer and he offered to sit down with me and come up with a diet and exercise plan. I think we are going to try to sit down on Tuesday and figure something out. I always work out better and am more successful when I have a trainer pushing me.

The only thing that sucks is that the gym he trains at is totally not conveniently located to me and there really isn’t one close by. But I can’t let that be an excuse.

I am just so sick of being fat. It seriously consumes my life. I feel enormous. I need to get this under control.
Ugh.

I actually managed to only gain 1 pound (net) as of last week, but I have a feeling this week is going to be a different story. I have only worked out once, and I’ve been doing a LOT of drinking and eating out in “celebration” of being done with another year of law school.

Now it’s summer, and the pool in my building opens in 2 weeks, which means SWIMSUIT SEASON! I weigh about the same now that I did last summer, but I feel absolutely humongous. Is there any worse feeling? Ugh.

So anyway, issue #1 is that I need to get back on track with Weight Watchers and working out at least 4 days a week.

Issue #2 is that even when I was doing that, I felt like it wasn’t really working. Yes, I lost 15 pounds, but I cannot tell one bit. My clothes still do not fit, I still look like a freaking whale in pictures, and I don’t really feel any better (although I can run further now, so I can tell that I’m getting in shape a little bit).  I know that I can’t quit, because getting fatter or even staying like this is not an option, but it’s really hard to stay motivated when I’ve been after this for 5 months and haven’t seen any results other than the numbers moving on the scale (and really, what do those numbers mean if i still feel bad about myself and if my clothes still don’t fit?).

So I guess I need to buckle down this next week and try to make something happen. I don’t really have any other options, do I?

Ugh.

Sorry for the Debbie Downer post, I’m just really struggling and feeling down today.

I have still been weighing in on Wednesdays though… Last week I gained three pounds. Isn’t it incredible how easy it is to pack the pounds on and how ridiculously tough it is to get rid of them?

Now for the miracle: this week I lost 2 pounds. I totally wasn’t tracking points and just barely did any working out, so I have no idea how that happened.

Of course I had gained three pounds the week before, so this really just puts me at +1, but it makes me SO happy that I didn’t add any more that I’ll have to take off once I get back on track this weekend after my finals are over!!

Starting Weight: 205
This week: -2
Current Weight: 191

I have a friend who is a really well-known personal trainer, so today I emailed him about setting something up for the summer. I want to set up a regular schedule with him so I have a plan… I am definitely the type who needs plans!
I don’t have a job for this summer before I go to Europe at the end of July, so I have no excuse for not getting in good shape!!

He also teaches lots of classes at the gym he works at, so I’m going to start taking those too. I think this will be exactly what I need to kick start my summer weight loss and get me to she these next 15 pounds!!!

I am excited to be a gym rat this summer, especially because this trainer is so fun so I know I’ll have fun working out with him!

I am almost done with finals, thank goodness.

I don’t think my brain, my tired eyes, or my waistline could take much more.

I am admittedly a REALLY bad stress eater, and this go-round of finals has been no different. And studying/schoolwork in general makes me hungry. All those things added up means I haven’t even been pretending to count points. I’ve been eating what is quick and cheap and drinking whatever caffeinated beverages can keep me awake.

Luckily, I am done at 1:00 on Thursday and have absolutely nothing planned for the next 8 weeks after that except body boot camp!!

I am actually really excited about getting my butt in shape before my amazing study abroad this summer in Prague. I know we are going to be taking lots of pictures that I’ll hopefully hang onto forever, so I don’t want to be the fat girl in pics or embarassed to display them once we return!

Now if I can just get through these last two finals…

The only saving grace is that I completed week 4 day 1 of the couch to 5k program today with relative ease. The last 5 min of running were a bit of a struggle but I did alright.

Otherwise, there has been NOTHING good. This weekend I just kinda threw weight watchers on the backburner and enjoyed myself while I was out of town, but went way out of control.
Today I guess I was stress eating… I have a pretty big take home final due on Thursday and spending a day at the library always makes me feel the need to munch mindlessly.

In addition to my disappointment with myself over my eating habits the past week, I guess I’m kind of disappointed with my WW progresss this far.
I know 15 pounds is nothing to scoff at, but honestly I can’t tell a difference and neither can anyone else.

I am going to the Britney Spears concert tomorrow. I had really hoped by then I’d be able to wear a cute new outfit and not feel like a gigantic beast in pictures, but that’s not going to happen.
How can I lose 15 pounds and not be able to tell at all?!? My clothes are still so tight, I don’t look better in the mirror or in pictures… What gives?!? How much weight do I have to lose for it to make a difference? Or an even scarier thought – is it EVER going to make a difference? Or am I always going to feel like the enormously fat girl?

Ugh. Sorry this post is such a Debbie Downer, I’m just feeling frustrated.

This past week I lost 1/2 a pound, which is pretty exciting considering that the majority of the week was a Weight Watchers disaster.

This puts my weight loss total at exactly 15 pounds lost since January 4th.

My new mini-goal is going to be to lose 10 more pounds by June 6th. I have a wedding of a friend from college that night, so there will be lots of pictures taken and I want to be able to wear a pretty new dress and look cute in the pics!

Starting Weight: 205

Current Weight: 190

That was 15 pounds in 14.5 weeks. Slow and Steady.

That that means I want to lose 10 pounds in the next 6.5 weeks. It will be tough, especially with finals and everything that’s coming up, but I can totally do it. Especially once school is out and I have more time to work out.

Hope everyone else is having a good week!

I had a chicken breast marinating at home, but a burger sounded SO good.

HOwever… I stayed strong and headed home instead of wasting money and points that I don’t have to waste. And guess what? I’m not too disappointed!

I didn’t have any marinade earlier, so I made some on my own. I used salt, pepper, cilantro, minced garlic, oregano, italian dressing, and a little bit of worcestershire sauce. I let it marinate for about 5 hours while I went to class, then it was ready to go when I got home from class tonight.

I cooked it a skillet with some olive oil (is that called frying? I don’t even know), and it was pretty yummy. I ate some peas and carrots with it, and it was a lovely little dinner.

Of course it was no cheeseburger (What is?!), but it wasn’t bad.

Congrats to me for making good decisions! Now I just hope it pays off for Weigh-in Wednesday tomorrow!

I hope everyone else had a healthy tuesday!

This weekend my cousin was in town and we did nothing but drink drink drink and eat eat eat.

I feel enormous, and have a feeling that is going to translate onto the scales for Weigh-In Wednesday. Ugh.

I have today and tomorrow to work out like crazy and eat only my daily allotted points.

Time to do some Damage control.

I like this trend I’ve had going on the last couple weeks. Of course with my cousin coming to visit this weekend, going to the Cubs game, drinking LOTS, etc., I’m going to have to work out like a crazy woman to keep the trend going… but I’m willing to do it!

That is almost halfway to my goal weight of  30 pounds (well… my goal is 30-40 pounds, but I’m going with 30 for now).

I am relieved that I lost this week. I ate quite a bit, but worked out like a crazy woman, so I would have been upset if I hadn’t lost at all!

Alright… now I’m off to spend the start of my new Weight Watchers week in the library… ugh!!

I do have a couple of things that are keeping me from going into a full-on panic: I’ve had some really great workouts over the past week, which I think has helped to kick my metabolism into gear, and on the days that I’ve been eating pizza and burgers I’ve let that be pretty much my only “meal” with just healthy low-point snacks instead of just throwing the entire day out the window, which I used to do.

Cross your fingers for me!
XOXO,
DietZilla